camp update

So i didnt really find some time to write everyday but i will try to fill now the stuff that i have missed. On Wed we divided ourselfs in special interests group, i took promotion and our task is to organize the main event at the end of the camp, Festival of Nations. We made really cool poster.
On the 15th was our macedonian national pub. We made Sopska Salad and bread with ajvar and cheese. We also brought Smoki, and rakija and gave to the participants. The rakia was good accepted, and wanted. We also showed the Pajdusko dance, and the participants that were in our group learned it really good.



on the 16.07 we were talking about red cross spirit and the most important thing this day was the peace walk. AMAZING.. we were holding candles while we were walking in Langenlois and then we had big camp fire and while we were sitting next to it we were sitting and singing song. Great feeling.


On the 17.07 we went to VIENNA :)))))))) Since words are not enough i will post pics when i will found out how can i create slide show.
At the night it was national day to Eguipt, Italy, Slovakia and China, so i ate pasta, tiramisu, eguiptian dessert (delisious) and also slovakian ´hlebicki´ that i have helped prepare..

yes yes i am having fun here..

pictures pictures

Yes I AM TIRED. and i wanna scream how tired i am, but i am having wonderful time here. Today we went to visit the maire of the city, and he was really really nice. He gave a speech, and he gave us some wine, cause apparently this city is famous for wine and we are going to taste different kinds of wine every day. i got to meet more people and talk more, but my besties so far are the crazy ginger irish girls. One of them is my roomate and they are awesome.
We had presentation of our country and our national society now and it went great. We had good presentation and i am proud of it.

Now we are having some party, and then bed untill tomorrow..

Now some pics. Hope you like it.
Oh by the way if you say twice jaja it means KISS MY ASS in slang german.. hahaha

Summer camp - Austria

Hi all,
since i do not have wifi and i have to use this public pc with german keybord i will write here this next 14 days.
I came in Wien yesterday, checked in some weird hostel that looked like hangar and went sideseeing. It turned out that the hostel in the center so i saw almost all of the main buildings here which were beautiful. I was talking pics but i cannot post them because i am not on my lap top (hopefully i will think how this wifi works).
Today i came in Langenlois and met bunch of people. It seems that it will be wonderful and fun all 14 days because all people have some positive energy. Good vibes. Good =)I am sharing a room with Austrian, German and Irish girl. Ja ja German and German all the time. I might learn something more than danke, bite, ja, jaja (which btw means kiss my ass in a slang).

Oh.. I have learn Irish dance. haha. You get easily tired with this dance.

Well, in short. I am happy that i get to speak English, i am happy that i will meet so many new and great people, and i am happy that i have this experience..

Güt night ..

Talk to you soon

*
Mracen pogled sokriva
Edno misticno i tesko minato.
Patuvanje vo idnina
I kopnez za poubav pocetok
Prepoznavam vo nejzinata nasmevka.
Patista, kraevi, padovi,
Isprepleteni sonovi, silen kopnez
I nemir vo dusata
Se obelezje na nejzinata minata borba
So samata sebe...

*
Jas sum senka vo nokta.
Koja bara razlicni oblici na svetlina,
Onamu kade sto mrakot e edinstven gospodar.
Jas sum vozvisen privid
Na nepoznatoto i lazno svedostvo
Koe na onie koi ziveat vo temnina
Im nudi zrak spokojstvo.
Jas sum son koj prodava iliuzii
Na smrtnici osiromaseni so kopnez.
Jas sum vrisok,
Koj gi budi najnevinite detski dusicki
Zemajki im kapka mir.
Jas sum samo izguben talkac vo nokta,
Koj cela svoja sreka ja dal na bespomosnite.
Talkac koj opstojuva za nokta I mesecinata
Koja I dava sila da postoi i da se nadeva
Deka zvukot na teskoto disenje vo nokta
Naskoro ke prestane...

*
Od son ,
Se izdigase nejzinata nasmevka,
Iskrena, a skrsena,
Ubava, a zaboravena;
...vecna, a zaledena...

Od srekata,
Se izdigaa zelbite,
Se prepletuvaa zivotite,
Se nasmevnuvaa taznite;
...propagaa nevinite...

Od kopnezot,
Se izdigaa strastite,
Se brisea potrebite,
Se rusea momentite;
...nasmeani ostanuvaa samo zaljubenite...

Od pepel,
Se izdigase nejzinoto ime,
Iscrtano nad zivotot,
Skrseno vo ocajot,
Zarobeno vo spomeni;
...zabelezano za vekovi...

Od krajot,
Se izdigase pocetokot,
Se ranea nadezite,
Se rusea svetovite,
Se povtoruvaa denovite;
...isceznuvaa sekundite...

Nesovrsena realnost

Verojatno vo zivotot postojat momenti koga rabotite koi gi sakame se tolku daleku od nas, a nie duri otkoga ke gi izgubime sfakame deka ne mozeme bez istite. I togas ja barame najlazlivata vistina vo nasite srca, dali toa sto ni se slucuva e vozmozno I realno? Zatoa sto realnosta e razlicna vo secii oci. Taa prestavuva monotonost za nekoi, dinamicnost za drugi. Razigranost ili depresija ili mozebi gradenje na lazlivi spomeni od sopstvenata prikazna I naivno veruvanje deka utre sepak ke bide podobro. I vo momentite koga ke se pocustvuvame porazeni, pocnuvame da gi barame rabotite I lugeto koi ni se bliski I da veruvame deka tie ke go sprecat naseto tonenenje. I toa e najgolemata ironija, koja se povtoruva postojano. Taa glupava lazliva sreka koja ni ja nudat rabotite koi ne pravat srekni e samo izmiclica na dosadnite veceri koga sonceto zaoga, a nie uporno go barame naseto mesto pod sonceto. Verojatno istrazuvanjeto na sopstvenata sreka I barajki ja sopstvenata vistina vo naseto srce ke ni ja donese harmonijata kon koja tezneeme, bez da se prasuvame dali sme zgresile, I dali nekoj nas zbor ili delo povredil nekogo. Konecno, mora da sfatime deka denes e uspeh da se opstojuva bez da moras da se privrzes za nesto, zatoa sto privrzanosta e glupava rabota, koja koga ke se izgubi nosi bolka. Ako uspeeme da se pocituvame bez da ni bide gajle dali drugite ne pocituvaat nema da gi gubime bliskite raboti (I luge) zatoa sto istite tie nema da postojat, a nie ke bideme sovrseni roboti na moderniot zivot koi ke ja ziveat sopstvenata lazliva prikazna. Sepak, podobro e ponekogas da znaeme da izgubime nesto samo za da gi cenime poveke rabotite I da ja prifatime nasata nesovrsena realnost. Samo za da moze da veruvame deka utre sigurno ke bide podobro

Kopnez

Vozvisenost I trepet go obvivaa nejzinoto srce, a nasmevkata na nejzinoto lice oznacuvase kopnez. Silen I postojan! Kopnezot go oznacuvase sekoj vozvisen cin na stradanjeto na teloto. Fizickata bolka ja oznuvase tapoto steganje na gradite, ama taa toa ne go primetuvase. Psihickoto izmacuvanje bese posilno. Toa bese nemirna vozdiska, tesko disenje, vrtoglavica. Toa bese bitka so samata sebe I bitka so svetot koj I gi okupirase mislite. Nejzinoto srce bese svieno vo crnina. Toa cukase silno I otsecno slusajki go ritamot na pesnite koi I bea ostavile tolku silen vpecatok. Taa ne sakase da priznae ama se plasese. Se plasese da ne ostane sama slusajki gi stihovite koi vo sekoj son gi povtoruva cuvstvuvajki silna bolka.
Nejzina bolka bese kopnezot.
Kopnezot bese pricina za bezivotniot izraz na nejzinoto lice i za nejziniot trepet vo gradite.
A nejzina cel bese vistinata. Onaa lazliva traga koja ostava rana dlaboko vo srceto-taa sakase da znae dali taa rana e vistinska.
Taa vsusnost sakase da znae dali moze da ja izdade bolkata. ..
Taa samo sakase da se zapoznae sebe si…
Taa sakase da se nasmee..
Taa vistinski sakase, sakase…

. He was sitting in his chair, looking at me, and as always asking me question about your health. Calling me with my baby nick name, I was more than happy to see that he looked great. Smiling with joy and looking young I was happy to see that he doesn’t have any pain, he doesn’t have any scars, and he enjoys life. I was confused by this, as I knew that his health is not very good, but I assumed that he become better. As we were talking about how to prevent future problems, I was looking with joy and smiled.
Then. I woke up. It was a dream. He is not here. It is 5 am. Another dream in which I saw his happy face. All confused I went to his room. Empty room, perfectly made bed. Picture of me, my brother and my mother on the side. Pictures that he was seeing while fighting to survive. Pictures that were reminding him that he should not give up. I crushed on the bed all in tears. More than ever I realized that I miss him. More than I ever I realized that this past 6 months are fake. I am fake. I am not the same person, that so desperately I am trying to be. I am hiding that I miss him. And people think I don’t. But I do. To call me by nick name, or just send me message asking me what took me so long to come home, or that he loves me. I miss his perfume all around. I miss my friends saying “ Your dad is sooo handsome” . I miss my brother and I fighting for whom to get his old phone. I miss him being the imperfect dad, and the most stylish 45 years old ever. I miss him buying films, and watching them with me and my brother. I miss his specific taste for juices. I miss him making fun of me and my friends when we were making sangria. I miss him joke around with me and my boyfriend. I miss him drinking coffee with me, and miss his talks about good places in town. I miss him saying “ You look beautiful “ before I was going out. I miss him eating watermelon with me, and discussing about food.I miss him saying “ What have you drank last night ?”. I miss you to change pictures from phone with me through wifi. I miss my imperfect, stylish, funny and amazing father. I love him. I always did. Never showed that.
I miss him more than I could think I ever will. And I barely enter in this room. It is so frickin painful.